I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
