i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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