I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Randomize
