Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
