He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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