I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
