Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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