WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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