this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
