Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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