I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
