i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
