I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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