THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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