White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
