so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
