hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
