You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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