No, drunk sperm still make babies.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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