I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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