omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I just gift wrapped bread.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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