If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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