oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize