just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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