I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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