capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
