I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
These tits shall not be calmed
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
