i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Randomize
