You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
