some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
