I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
