my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
