Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
