i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Randomize
