I hate your face
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
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