She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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