Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
