So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
