A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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