my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Randomize
