Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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