i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
