There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
