His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
