well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
