Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
