dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize