john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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