I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize