I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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