Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize