it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
