so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
