Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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