i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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