grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize