She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Randomize
