wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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