I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
