I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
