I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
