I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
