.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
