is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
