LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
