he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
