She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
