i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
