i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
