kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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