We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
