11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
