i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
