dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
