all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
